“She (Sarah Palin) will do interviews, but she’ll do them on the terms and conditions of which the campaign decides it’s ready to do it.”
~Rick Davis, Campaign Manager for McCain

Could someone pinch me because I’m not quite sure if I’m awake, experiencing a continuation of the eight year nightmare we’ve all been living through, watching a bad extended Saturday Night Live skit (complete with Tina Fey look-a-like, Sarah Palin, although Tina’s actually pretty),or being subjected to a really twisted Republican version a Stepford Wives flick (rip back Rick Davis’ face and I swear you’ll find a bunch of wires)!  Who ON EARTH (well, other than Sarah Palin and the McCain campaign) thinks that it is even remotely okay for someone who could possibly have to step in as leader of the free world, to NOT be available to America’s link/access to the truth–the media?!  In this video (thanks again to Randi Rhodes for bringing to my attention), Rick Davis lays out flatly, to none other than FOX news (!), that until the press is going to treat Palin with “some level of respect and deference” she will NOT answer questions from the media, or as Davis calls it “a cycle of piranhas.”

Take a little journey with me, dear readers (grab a barf bag on the way and start humming the Twilight Zone theme).  Imagine you and I are expressing our extreme patriotism by wearing our red, white, and blue clothing (with flag lapel pin firmly attached) as we proudly walk past the bastion of truth and integrity (the White House), singing along with John Rich’s “Raisin’ McCain” on our iPods, when suddenly we realize we are able to hear part of a telephone conversation.  Being the proud Americans that we are, we realize it’s our civic duty (a la George W. Bush legacy) to do our best to eavesdrop. We instantly recognize the sexy, dulcet tones of our new “pit bull” president, Sarah Palin (sadly, in a senior moment, John McCain met an untimely demise when he walked off a cliff thinking it was just an image from the big screen behind him at the Republican National Convention).  We carefully lean over the hedge and toward the window, straining our bodies and our ears to make out the words, all the while taking care not to get our immaculately coiffed Sarah Palin hair style (affectionately known as the “the Squirrel”) caught on any tree branch or on the barrel of any of a number of guns and rifles along the window sill.  Soon we are able to hear… 

“I’m sorry (insert world leader’s name), I realize this (insert international crisis) needs to be acted upon immediately, but until I feel that you have reached the appropriate level on my PRADM (AKA Palin Respect and Deference Meter) your situation will just have to wait. Now I know you’re from (insert country larger than Alaska) and you probably need lil ole small town Wasilla girl me to ‘explain to you’ how my job works, but… Oh wait a minute, I think the PRADM pointer has raised you to the “tolerable and sycophant” level now.  While you’re waiting to reach the appropriate level on the PRADM, you might want to check out my eBay page where I have recently posted the United States Constitution for sale.  I figured George W. Bush wasn’t using it, so why should I?

Yup, folks, that is the type of diplomacy I can see as being an excellent continuation of the fantastic strides George W. Bush made to further global peace and understanding.  Where do I sign up for the McS(h)ame/Failin’ ticket?  And could you please hand me that extra barf bag?